This is an essay on hearing loss and working as a product person in the tech world. There may be more. Thanks for reading.
I’ve been analyzing some of my learnings about myself, both personally and professionally as a function of this new post-COVID world we live in. I’ve learned a few things about myself that I was either unable or unwilling to recognize. I’ve spent years agonizing over some of these challenges I’ve faced and it’s taken me this long to get some clarity on them.
As many of you know, I have a 70% hearing loss. It’s moderate-to-severe. Informally, my doctors refer to it as a cookie-bite loss because when you see my audiology report it looks like one. I have better hearing in highs and lows, but it rapidly drops off in the middle, where coincidentally most vocal communication is held. I have been in denial about this for many years. I’d always been told not to call attention to my hearing for fear of hiring managers being unwilling to accommodate me, and don’t use it as an excuse. And I try not to, but if I could only show some folks the amount of processing time and intent listening I perform on a daily basis, it starts to make sense the incredible amount of anxiety and fear it generates in me and my work as I imagine it would for anyone living with an invisible disability.
Earlier on in the pandemic, we were all asked to work from home. On one hand, I considered this an incredible relief. Open office environments are an absolute terror for a person with hearing loss. I can’t hear people behind me and I have no capacity for passive listening. This is impossible for me. And as a matter of fact, even writing notes in a meeting forces me to turn away from what was being said just to write down anything that was said before, causing me to lose a portion of the conversation entirely. This, I found, is a trait that many people find irritating. I’ve been yelled at by complete strangers on the street, even by managers, for not listening. But sadly, this is my own challenge that I have to advocate for. And it’s something I’ve been hiding for years now, to varying levels of success.
With the advent of full-time teleconferencing, particularly among larger groups, I’d been forced to find other ways to ensure that I can keep up. I thought initially meetings would be a bit more controlled. Sadly, I was wrong. I still had to translate my way through cross-talk, strong accents, terrible connections, and background noise. I began having panic attacks with work again.
But I’m a problem solver, it’s what I do, it’s what makes me who I am. And this has created its own kind of interesting challenge. How do I stay productive and in the flow of communication as a product person, when I have so much working against me? And again, this created its own kind of terror for me, which was occasionally exposed to colleagues and managers as a function of frustration in my voice when not understanding something. The sheer terror and anxiety I have in my head when I’m being asked about something and I’m missing large parts of the conversation has often left me with chest pains and fear I’d lose my job. Nobody has the time for a professional with my years of experience to be reacting defensively to every question or request. So I had to find another solution, which presented itself through the multiple tools we’ve used in our organization. We’ve been using so many different teleconferencing products that I finally found the one that helped.
That was google meet.
When I started using this and asking my team to do so, it really changed the way I could interact with them. It provided pretty good transcriptions, maybe slightly worse than my own hearing can offer, and most importantly, it provided attribution. Suddenly, I could follow a conversation and if I missed a word or phrase, just read it below. This has provided a huge improvement in my quality of life at work. I felt more comfortable responding, I didn’t have to keep asking people “what?” numerous times, and I could be part of the conversation. It made my life better and though I still struggle in many ways, it gives me a little more power over this limitation I have.
I guess I’m saying all of this because it took me a long time to understand my hearing loss and how it impacts my life and I hope by sharing my story, others like myself and those they work with can start to investigate tools and products that enable everyone in the workplace. Without my partner and this pandemic, I likely would have never understood what was happening to me and would continue to feel isolated and separate from the team. I have never run across another person like myself in product management, someone with a hearing loss having to navigate so many different conversations, priorities, and cross-functional requirements, but I do hope to see them in the future. It’s still very difficult, but I hope writing this here there might be those of you who are more willing to give differently-abled people the chance to learn and grow. I swear to you, people like myself want to do a great job. We want to be helpful, it’s in our DNA. We have empathy skills you wouldn’t dream of. And the modern tools that companies are providing are finally allowing some of us to be active contributors.
I think I’ve written enough here for now, but have more to say about my experience as a product person living in an abled world, and trying to make sense of things while showing my own value.
